My goal is to eventually get a metoidioplasty with urethral lengthening and testicular implants. I'm open to the possibility that I may decide on a phalloplasty from there, but as of now, metoidioplasty meets pretty much everything I want.

I wanted lower surgery when I first realized I was trans - but for the wrong reasons. As someone who identifies as male, there was the expectation that I should want it because “that's what men have.” A couple months after starting T, I was pretty okay with my anatomical setup until I wasn't anymore. Aside from the increased emotional discomfort, I was also worried that I may never be able to afford it.

I had tried to put it out of my mind - especially when having sex with other people. And even though all of my sexual partners have always been very respectful and affirming, there was nothing they were able to say or do to help combat my steadily increasing dysphoria. I tried coping by buying a packing STP, but it wasn't all that satisfying. I was lamenting in a bathroom stall one day about how I didn't feel comfortable using a urinal because peeing had become such a time-consuming and stressful process. This, combined with my overall discomfort, meant I couldn't deny how urgent my need for lower surgery was.

I joined a few lower surgery-focused Yahoo groups to both help me keep up with surgeons and their techniques, and hear other people's experiences.

TheDecidingLine
FTMmetoidioplasty
ftmphalloplastyinfo

And another site that provides a good boost for me when I'm feeling down about not being hung is Smallcockrocks on Tumblr. Just like the name says, it shows cis guys on the smaller side. While it predominantly features white/light skinned men, it might still be a pretty valuable resource due to the stigma of small dicks.