I'm really glad that you want to get in touch! And I want to hear from you! But I also want to make sure we're on the same page about stuff in a Q&A format:

1. Do you identify as FTM or gender-nonconforming?
In a word, no. I have no qualms about anyone else using these words to describe themselves if that's accurate for them, but I find that "man", "trans man", "man of trans experience", etc. are the best fit for me. And I'm definitely not gender-nonconforming. For starters, my presentation (I pass for a cis man to strangers) and sense of self (I'm a man) are perfectly in line with my gender (which is male). By no means am I saying that all trans men have to fit my personal mold, this is just what's most accurate for me. I'm not going to flip a table or anything if someone calls me "FTM," but it feels very similar to when someone gets my name way wrong after I've just introduced myself. "Transgender" rubbed me the wrong way for a very long time, but it's recently started working for me again.

2. Do you miss being a girl/woman?
Before I came out as trans, I identified as a girl because I wasn't aware that gender was separate from sex assigned at birth. I think this question is similar to straight people asking gay people if they've ever had heterosexual sex and whether they enjoyed it (it's a common stereotype that gay men are especially all about sex, and yet so many straight people are the ones who constantly want to talk about it). You're pretty much asking me if I miss being confused about the disconnect I felt toward specific parts of my body, feeling completely alone, self-hating, and just downright, unrelentingly miserable. Nope. Can't say I miss that at all. It should be noted that not all trans people have/had that same unpleasant experience, but that doesn't make them less valid as trans people.

3a. Can I ask you invasive questions about your body, how you have sex, etc?
I'll make you a deal: you give me your social security number, bank information (account and credit card number, PIN, answers to security questions), photo copy of your state-issued ID, school permanent records, complete medical records (including a photo copy of your birth certificate), sexual and dating history with every documentation of STI test results, and I'll answer your questions. What's that, you say? That stuff is personal and none of my business? But I'm just curious, so doesn't that obligate you to answer me?? It doesn't? Huh! Imagine that!

3b. I'm a cis student writing a paper on trans people because I find you all so fascinating! Can I ask you questions?
I'm going to refer you to Laverne Cox schooling Katie Couric. If you want to write about trans people, write about the things that actually matter. Papers that I've participated in in the past have been 97% about genitals, 2% about whether family of origin is accepting, and 1% about discrimination. And even then, it's kind of dicey. I'm a cis-passing, white trans man. My personal experience with trans-related discrimination has (thankfully) never involved physical violence, and is microscopic compared to what trans women (particularly non-white sex workers) have to deal with. Not that trans men and gender-fluid folks are never subjected to violence, but the focus in the college papers I've participated in has been trans men. Not to mention, the two Trans 101 college campus talks I've been involved in didn't have trans women at all, and yet the facilitators and organizers patted themselves on their collective backs for being "totes trans-inclusive."

4. You seem kind of brusque in your writing? What's up with that?
In the time I've been out as trans, I have had to deal with a lot of shit from a lot of different places. It's exhausting, and one experience after another has proven to me that being nice to people who are being shitty doesn't do me any ounce of good. And I'm a firm believer in being blunt and firmly direct where appropriate. If that's a problem for you, that's not my problem.

5. Will you donate money so that I can get surgery?
As much as I feel for you and hope that that's something you can access because it's something you want, no. By no means am I the "I got mine, screw everyone else!" sort, but the vast majority of people I've encountered confuse asking for the generous donation of disposable income with shaking down and harassing people when they can't or won't pony up for whatever reason.

6. I'm a Christian and I think trans and gay people are sinners going to Hell!
Um, that's not really a question. But I'm (a very lax) Catholic, and just like you choose to believe in a G-d/Jesus that hates on people for arbitrary reasons, I choose to believe in a G-d/Jesus that are pretty cool about everything (including other spiritual beliefs or lack thereof) except for people who deliberately harm others, and those who harm others and convince themselves it's out of moral superiority. The Bible doesn't actually say anything about homosexuality or trans people, but there's a lot in there about not being a judgmental dick to other people. If you want to keep being an asshole and call it Christianity, I can't stop you. But that doesn't mean I have to tolerate that crap.

7. What's up with the links regarding domestic violence? What do they have to do with anything?
A lot, actually. Every kind of person and population can be subjected to abuse by others - whether that's by romantic partners, parents, other family-of-origin, etc. - at any time. Even queer and/or trans and/or gender-fluid folks! I want these links to help anyone who needs them - even if it's somebody who might have come here just to try to give me shit. No person ever deserves to be in an abusive or otherwise toxic relationship.

8. Are you a feminist? What does that mean to you? Doesn't being a feminist conflict with your being a man? Why don't you call yourself a Men's Rights Activist?
Feminism is the radical idea that women are people, and that there should be full equality among all genders, races, etc. Unfortunately, a lot of people conflate feminism with passionately hating men and blaming them for every single problem plaguing the world (it's patriarchy and the expectations and rules it places on women, men, and other genders that's the problem). I'm of the opinion that those of the "man-hating"/body policing/TERF (trans exclusionary radical feminist) variety are to feminism as the Westboro Baptist Church is to christianity. My masculinity and male identity remain perfectly intact even though I don't treat women like lesser beings who owe me whatever stupid shit I inexplicably feel entitled to.

The term, "men's rights activist" is a misnomer. MRAs don't actually give a fuck about the rights of any man, but they'll bring up key talking points if only to try to shut down feminist discussions that don't shine the brightest spotlight on men (it's not that we don't care, it's that space needs to be carved out for people who aren't men. And MRAs - rather than do something productive, would much rather piss and moan about the feminist movement and the fact that women will not fuck them just because they want to be fucked.) If they genuinely gave a shit, they'd speak up and raise hell for every falsely imprisoned man of color, they'd be fucking pissed at men who commit rape and blatantly harm rather than scream, "NOT ALL MEN!!!", they wouldn't insist that circumcision and female genital mutilation are pretty much the same thing (they are very much not), and they'd defend trans men who get blatantly misgendered in housing and employment. They'd fight against the patriarchy's notion that men can't be and are not emotional or sensitive, and reshape our culture's belief that men who get sexually assaulted or experience partner abuse are "weak", and they wouldn't need to try to stomp out the feminist/social justice movement to do it because we would all be on the same side. They wouldn't threaten a woman's life just because she criticizes sexism and misogyny in the video game industry.

I cannot get behind a movement that responds to women speaking out about their experiences with oppression with, "why don't you get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich," and, "I loved her so much, but she wouldn't have sex with me so she's an ugly friend-zoning skank!"

Fuck. That. Bullshit.

These select quotes pretty much sum up what I'm about:

"The horror of class stratification, racism, and prejudice is that some people begin to believe that the security of their families and communities depends on the oppression of others, that for some to have good lives there must be others whose lives are truncated and brutal." - Dorothy Allison

"The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back." - Abigail van Buren

"Racism is not dead. It's not. And that's why this film[, 12 Years A Slave,] is so important. To understand American society today, it starts with these kinds of stories, and the fact that they haven't been dealt with yet. There's work to be done. There are apologies that need to be sought and apologies that need to be offered. And that's on a political level and a social level and an individual level and a communal level." - Lupita Nyong'o

I also recommend reading anything by bell hooks and Julia Serano.

Suffice it to say, if you feel the need to tell me why you think intersectional feminism is "wrong", or hurl all kinds of derogatory slurs just to demonstrate how "edgy" much of an asshole you are, I'm not going to engage with you.

9. Are you looking for more resource links? Because I may have some...
Yes! Always! I'm especially keen to add more stuff for those who are non-binary, since I don't tend to casually come across them, and folks who were assigned male at birth get erased in what genderqueer-specific conversations I *have* seen. So if you have them, or any other links you think I should consider adding, email me!

Now that we've gotten all that out of the way, drop me a line!