i love you for being true to yourself. Reply
May 14th Reply
I'm going kayaking with a cute girl from the Czech Republic next weekend. :) —Fuser Reply
April 28th Reply
I'm going sailing on saturday with colin. Sigur Ros with trevor next week. SPL tomorrow with lauren. Chem Study Center to finish hell post lab with markie tomorrow. I lost my keys. And my calculator. I found my phone. I eat too much. I want to sleep forever. I dont know what I want to do with my life. Actually. I want to do everything. That's the problem. Reply
I am going to learn portuguese this summer. And how to play the guitar. Reply
This is going to be the summer of sex, I tell you. Reply
I need to clean my room. and I hope this page never disappears. Reply
I owe Bean a phone call. (more like, a million of them) Reply
I want to forget everything and be in that one field that was hidden near my house when I was a child. It's still there. All I have to do is find it. Reply
I want someone to hold me. I want them to pet my head and let me breathe in their skin. I want time to end and all the buildings, and cars, and roads, and concrete to just vaporize and leave me standing there in the world surrounded by what is meant to be there: the earth. Reply
I'm sorry earth. I owe you so much. I'm trying so hard. I'm sorry . I want to hug you right now. Reply
I want nothing more than for you to be happy and healthy. I don't know where to start. Reply
I want to find the water. And swim to the darkest depths and explore the 99% of the ocean floor we've yet to discover. Reply
I want to talk to blake. And him to talk back. Reply
I want to study ballet. And be able to bend the way lauren does. Reply
eu no falo portugues eu no falo portugues Reply
I need to do so much. I only have so many years left. Reply
I need money. quick. Reply
I need to clear things up with alex. And maeve. and myself. and the earth. and college. and chemistry. and... Reply
...Lisbon. I owe your metro system a visit. And together, we'll head north(west). To the lands of whiter people. London. Amsterdam. Reykjavik. Here I come! Here I come. Reply
There I go. Reply
I am here. In a dorm room. It's a mess. I can't find my keys. Reply
I'm a mess. I'm a beautiful mess. With a newly shaven head. and a lot of chemistry to catch up on. Reply
April 5th 2006 Reply
I have my first Chem 152 lab in less than an hour. It's one of the longest, most terrible gen chem labs there is. And I have to do that akward process of meeting my new lab partner. And my TA is a ditz. I really want some support right now. Which I am constantly feeling like Im lacking (selfish? a little). Reply
Im a little isolated. But trying my best to explore. I sit at my desk staring out my window. And All I want to do is play tennis. Every day. Every hour. Tennis. Tennis. Reply
I dont know. My mood swings are getting worse. Reply
I want nothing more... than to hibernate. Reply
Thats a lie. I want nothing more than to play tennis. And listen to Les Miserables (at the same time!) Reply
As a pre-lab ritual, today I am dancing wildly to shakira. Damn I'm hot. Reply
February 07 2006 Reply
Its Feb already? Wow. Reply
I feel so optimistic and so terrified. Lauren and I are going to a pre-med advising meeting come tuesday. And, after that, symbolically speaking, there's no turning back. Reply
I am terrified. I can't explain to you how chaotic and hard pre-med is. Your education is handed to you on a burning hot plate of uphill battles and tears. It is so cut throat. Reply
One step at a time. Reply
One breath at a time. Reply
I miss so many people right now. I have been so out of touch. and distant. Reply
I want to be in puerto rico. On a lake. with my hand running through the water. Reply
I need so much support. I'm on my knees. Reply
I will make it through this chemistry class. I will not let it destroy me. Reply
It is bedtime. and coincidently, the boy next door chose tonight to try to learn how to play the trumpet... Reply
sigh Reply
January 23th 2006 Reply
I shaved my head today. I look like Sinead O'Connor circa the early years. (and of course, that was the look i was going for). Reply
I wish we could switch genders for a day, just for fun. Reply
I've decided against taking math next quarter. Because I dont want to. And its too much work. So instead I'm going to take Spanish 201 and Dance 101 (and Chem 152) Reply
I'm having troubles sleeping tonight. I got too much sleep last night. Therein lays the problem. I started Accordian Lessons this weekend. And let me tell you. So much fun. Its bound to drive the roomate insane (did you know they purposly tune accordians out of key a smidge to add a fuller sound?) Reply
Camp is looking a bit out of reach this year, which is too bad, because its my last year as a camper. We'll see how it plays out. Reply
Minneapolis is looking a bit out of reach too. Money issues, among others. Reply
I have midterms this week. And the more I decide against doing pre-med, the less I stress about them. I am trying to interpret this to the best of my ability. Reply
I dont know what I want to do with my life. Reply
I need to catch up with the following people (expect phone calls this winter!): Reply
I saw evan the other day. Which was nice. He's so powerful, its kind of rediculous. Reply
I'm reading a book right now called Stiff: the curious lives of human cadavers (by Mary Roach). Its quite entertaining. Reply
—Fuser, or Aunt Beast, or Beatrice, or Jackie Paper Reply
p.s. College is teh shit. Reply
p.s.s. I met an unschooler (he's in my accordian class) for the first time outside of camp the other day. Although, he didnt label himself as an unschooler, i think he used the term Student of the World, or earth, or something as such. It was interesing. Reply
It's kind of annoying how alot of unschoolers look down on kids who go to normal school. Reply
December 19th 3:28am 2005 Reply
I have 3 major dilemas facing me right now: Reply
With that being said, I miss my dorm room. And my roomate. And all my dorm-friends. And my classes. And my evil TA's. And my psychotic professors. Reply
I miss camp today. I got the after-camp shit in the mail today. I miss Grace. Reply
I'm reading three (3) books right now. A Wind in the Door by Madeleine L'engle, The Lost Years of Merlin by T. A. Barron, and The Golden Ratio by some guy. w00t. Reply
I hate seperating genders, but I'm going to do so in the following statement: I want more guy-friends. They seem to be less nerotic. Reply
I think I'm going insane. Really. Reply
TV ads are becoming increasingly more bizzare. Reply
I want to learn how to knit. Come January, I will know how. Reply
Holiday Shopping is done. Reply
I'm trying to decide whether I want my future children (providing i ever have some) to celebrate christmas. Presents? yes. Music? yes. Santa? noooooo. Jesus? aw hell naw! Reply
Ever since taking that astronomy class, my respect for christians has slowly been decreasing. ehhhh Reply
It is... shower time. Reply
And don't worry, I've been meaning to call you for a while :) I'll get around to it. Reply
November 10 2005 Reply
Beauty: Reply
a = (n+4)/10 where n=0,3,6,12,24,48... Reply
10 points if you know what this is used to find. Reply
November 9 2005 Reply
I just googled farandolae in hopes of finding out more of these tiny cute things. One of the first 10 pages found on google was a wiki page (Maia's page to be exact). I went to the page and found where it had found farandolae. And heres what she had to say on feburary 27th 2004: Reply
I feel really odd. For years I've believe that farandolae existed. (From Madeliene L'Engle's book A Wind in the Door, extremely small beings that live within the mitochondria of human beings.) I just found out that they do not exist, which is why, whenever I've tried to explain them to people, they always had no clue what I was talking about. I really loved farandolae. I feel almost sad that they don't exist, it's like I just found Santa Claus isn't for real...or the tooth fairy...or the Easter bunny. :( I think I will still believe in them anyway. Screw the real world. Reply
I had no idea farandolae didnt exist! It makes me so unbelievably sad. I want to curl up into a ball and mourn the loss of such beautiful beings. Reply
November 8 2005 Reply
Kate Bush's new album is echoing through my speakers right now. I am in love with so many things. But mostly kate bush. and the sun. Which is so polite to grace us with its presense today, the last 3 days. Wonderful. —Fuser Reply
November 5 2005 Reply
I really want to be in Arizona tomorow morning. So I can wake up and see the sunshine and wear shorts and tshirts and sunglasses and sunblock and hairgel and everything i cant wear here. I'm listening to Tori Amos and reminding myself theres about 10 people I need to call because I havnt talked to them in forever. To name a few: Bean, Dave, Michelle, Alex. Also i want to call Andy. Who I've never talked to on the phone. I'm shy. and really busy. I miss Evan and Blake and Rosa and Karen and Tilke and Vanessa and Ruth and a million other staffers and campers and I keep. forgetting. these. people. exist. I'm so distracted by how depressing seattle is these days. Can someone who knew me for the last 6 years please tell me why I kept raving about seattle weather? I'm such a douche. And I need an umbrella. And yellow rain boots. and a date. or someone to spoon. —Fuser Reply
veganmeans.
I miss you too Kellen! You are amazing! I should really give you a call sometime soon! I love you! -Blake Reply
10/14/05 Reply
There is a snowstorm of yellow leaves outside my window :) I love autumn. I love the northwest. —Fuser Reply
October 13th. 2005. Reply
There is no where to... Reply
September 30th 2005 2:37am (oh, ok, so actually its the 1st of october) Reply
I am going to burn in hell. Reply
September 28th 2005 8:23am Reply
Classes start in about 2 hours. I'm cold. I'm really not experiencing serious pigeons in my stomach (was that korees modified version of butterflies in the stomach?).... ok, mabye just a little. I bought some cruelty-free killer chemical gel yesterday though... so my hair is going to look fabulous today. muah —Fuser Reply
1am. Same day as below. Reply
Little things are reminding me of camp. Like the grass stains on my PJs from playing wink, and my thumbnail, which has been glowing in the dark for more than 3 weeks now, thanks to bean... or cate... i cant remember. I want this week to end. aaaaaaaaaaaaaa Wednesday is creeping up on me. I'm so scared! —Fuser Reply
September 19th 2005 Reply
Is seattle gonna work out? I'm getting mixed messages and signs. Sometimes I feel like seattle is the most exciting city in the world. And other times I want to run and hide in the luggage compartment of an airplane headed for london. or puerto rico. I feel like such a fucking pervert. And I'm hating myself right now for it. I want to call Laura (and caleb), but I'm wondering how akward that would be. I want to call alot of people, even though I have nothing really interesting to say, I really just want to make sure they really exist. I really want my hair cut. and I really want anxiety to leave my stomach. I really want alex (the girl) to call me, but something about long distance charges makes me think thats not gonna happen. I keep checking my email and other similar functions compulsively. Going back and forth from that to sitting down and watching tv and then to playing piano. I have a funny feeling my roomate isnt going to like me. And I'm really not liking the idea of sharing showers with other people. um, ew. I want to join the military. And fly fighter planes. And blow things up. I want to be a doctor. And travel the world with my unreasonable amounts of money. I want to take someone on a date to gasworks park and fly kites or something stupid like that. I want it to snow. I want everything to be ok. ok? ok. I havn't written a song in over 2 months. I feel like I had a creativity vasectomy. All my writing fluids have been sucked dry. I really really really wanted to go to 3rd session next year. fuck. —Fuser Reply
September 11th 2005 Reply
I ache. The muscles in my back and arms are crying with pain. The bed I'm sleeping on does not agree with me. Letsssss seeeee.... Placement tests are soon. So is moving in time. I miss being on the east coast and being able to call all my west coast buddies late at night and not worrying about waking them up. now, england is like 8 hours away, israel is like 10. and alex is like 3. :( Oh well. My feet have become so tough after camp (yes!). I'm excited. Seattle has so many health food stores. Its intense. Lots of rain too. And crazy people. I was in downtown yesterday, and let me tell you. These people are insane. Like, clinical insanity. w00t. New Orleans is still settling in. I still dont believe it. New Orleans, Gas Prices, Back Pain, Stress... Its all around me. Oh, i forgot soar throat. Bah. So I sit here listening to Ani (and i am trying to evolve). And wondering what i should have for breakfast. I dont like being homeless. —Fuser Reply
And I believe in the future We shall suffer no more Maybe not in my lifetime But in yours I feel sure Song dogs barking at the break of dawn Lightning pushes the edges of a thunderstorm And these streets Quiet as a sleeping army Send their battered dreams to heaven, to heaven For the mother’s restless son Who is a witness to, who is a warrior Who denies his urge to break and run Who says: Hard times? I’m used to them The speeding planet burns I’m used to that My life’s so common it disappears And sometimes even music Cannot substitute for tears —PaulSimon The Cool, Cool River
July 21rd 2005! Reply
I need to call Josh Silver and tell him how unbelievably excited I am to see him at camp this year. Both sessions baby! w00t. —Fuser Reply
June 29th 2005 2:07pm Reply
I am so not wearing underwear today. —Fuser Reply
Reply
- no I'm not wearing underwear today! I know you probably don't care but I really must declare that I'm not wearing underwear today! I totally know that song. Unless you were just making that up. : ) ~Kayla
June something (23nd?) 2005 7:54pm Reply
Happiness is: Reply
I feel like this is the end of my childhood. June. The end. Next month I turn 17 (shitbags). and Then I'm off to college. Its been a good one really, theres been alot of ups, and alot of downs. I never really grew very tall, but thats ok, cause I'm a pretty ok kisser (i think). Work is doing good. I owe alex so much. And looks like i'm due for a summer hair cut next month. I'm feeling alot better about myself. And I think I'm going to start running really late at night. its half a mile around the block (a mile if you go the long way). So we'll start out small. And then mabye one day actually be able to job an entire mile without passing out. The sun is setting in orlando, and I'm feeling hungry, bored, and mysterious. I cant wait to see alot of you in august and september. Oh, and I'm broke. Hallay! Ciao folks —Fuser Reply
nothing you could say to me now could teach me all of your lies could teach
me all of my sins well...
nothing you could say to me now could do me anything wrong or anything good
so...
life can come at you faster than you know and my dough is rolled and my feet
are off the
ground.
June 4th 2005 12:43am Reply
This is not a blog. I swear. Reply
This is where I can write extremely long and complicated check in posts without feeling guitly because i take up too much space blah blah blah. Reply
My very expensive computer program is arriving in the mail (i'd like to add i have a fabulous grandmother who bought it for me). So now i can actually start writing my music. Reply
In other news, I want: Reply
I am currently working on a song right now called Minneapolis. And it is a tricky fucker. I like it though, it reminds me of how conciously imperfect I am. And how, no matter how hard I want to; I cant change what I've done in the past. Fuck. Reply
I am feeling a little abandoned by everyone. Probably because everyone who I am amicable with lives in a different time zone, state, or country. Reply
My biggest fear at the moment is running into my ex (yes, i have an ex, believe it or not) in the middle of orlando somewhere. Or worse, running into one of my highschool teachers. Or godforbid, a classmate. vomit. Reply
So right, we've covered the basics so far; blog. want. minneapolis. lonely. and ex. wonderful. Reply
I'm thinking alot about camp. Not that I really want to, but I figure, if I'm going to pay 1000$ for something, I might as well put some heavy thought into it. So right, I called my friend and her mother offered me an amazing adventure between sessions. But I was really hoping to just chill at camp during sessions. But, this adventure involves camping and beaches and cool people from seattle. So I'm really not sure. I have a feeling I'll go for the adventure. But I really wanted to experience life at camp between sessions. Not a big deal, I have lots of time to think about it. I have also been thinking about how much I hope the people at camp are going to be as rad as last year. But I shouldnt worry. On the ticket this year is; Alex, Arne, Mike, Aid, Jackson, Josh (!!!!), Michelle, Bean (and company), Tilke, Asa (i think, oh, and because this is my page, i can call you whatever i want), Erek, and alot of other people I am most definately forgetting at the moment. But right, lots of thought going into camp. Camp. Camp. camp camp camp camp camp camp camp camp camp camp camp. Reply
Oh! Speaking of Camp, has anyone heard anything from Camp? I wonder whats going on in the nbtsc offices nowadays. And when do we find out whos advising? Reply
ok. enough chit chat. I want to go to bed and sleep forever (or at least until i have to work on sunday) Reply
Tomorow is my day off. And heres my to-do list for saturday: Reply
ok. goodnight wikifolk. —Fuser Reply
the trees slant on the vineland unaware (that) they make your world lean east so don't let forces slide you off the earth and into my way it's pagination! (la la la)
cry my wolf call my bluff lay me not to no earth to no angel to sit on the cliff of the ledge of the stares (of my sail to sail the black ocean. tonight I see and cry my wolf.)
March 28th 9pm Eastern Standerd Time Reply
I am: Reply
you know that i take it we'll never be agreed and i am pillowing... pillowing... gone... look at where the answer is locked inside some indian food in this tiny hall tripping along the steps i am cold. i've seen it just don't ask me again you know that i've seen it, and we'll hear it to the end i'll be pillowing pillowing gone
I'd also like to point out that i love life. the end. Reply
Novlember Phirst Dos Mil Cuatro Reply
Wonderfabulousplendidooperific. I'm writing a... medley. of sorts. it started out as one song, but now its like 8 carefully shmuddled into a glob of piano 7/4time madness. Its confusing me. So now I resort to procrastinating (10 page paper due tomorow. Havnt started), and listening to Navras by Juno Reactor(?) Tomorow is the election. Today is monday. Mondays suck. I want to get accepted into UW. And then, I want to go to www.bastyr.edu Reply
I miss Alex. But I'm sure she's saving the world ever so gracefully in India right now. Reply
And I really really miss Josh Silver. and Michelle... and Evan (i made a cd for you, but my burner is fuck-ed right now. and i have no idea where youre living right now.) Come to think of it, i dont know where michelle is right now either... oh dear... Reply
One more thing. just to rid of the confusion, Fuser is not pronounced Fy/oo/-ser
. its /Foo/-serr
(ya gotta roll the r kid) Reply
Shouldn't that be
to rid the confoosion?* ducks * —Asa Reply
why do I feel the obsessive urge to write on your page?? I feel like telling you about......flamingos. Beautifull, akward pink birds who have long skinny legs and surprising black on their wings. I don't know why but I keep thinking about flamingos. I wonder what it would be like to be a flamingo....so long and gracefull, yet with an enourmous beak, and a sound like a dying hippopotomous/turkey/ozzy ozborn. Or maybe we should talk about plurals!! did you know that the plural for hippopotomous is hippopotomi? strange, neh? Or maybe mcdonalds, and the creepy deep fried qouteunqoute 'french fries'. I miss you!! -Bean Reply
Reply
- heh, I don't even really know you fuser but, did you know flamingos' feathers turn pink because they eat shrimp, which are pink? It's true! If you feed them white food, they turn white. It's the same with Queen Anne's Lace. If you put food coloring into their water, they'll change to the color of the food coloring. I've tried it with several other white flowers and it only worked one other time, but I don't know the name of the flower. ~KaylaC, full of strange things
Reply
- No! Nor your legs nor any other strange thing that means lying to you! I learned that at the zoo. Go to the philadelphia zoo, and find a stick. this will suffice as your
keyfor all the talking tour guide things. find the flamingos (the maps are at the entrance). poke your stick in the keyhole and wiggle it around for a bit until it starts talking. Or you could just start feeding the flamingos weird stuff. I think some kinds of food change their color more than others, so some stuff you'd feed it wouldn't work. ~Kayla
you. yer phone number isn't working. -Bean Reply
Hey Kellen, I miss you!!! Watcha been up to? Luv you. xoxo —Lara Reply
> Reply
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