Ca Ro Ly N (v1.45)

Things i like from Girl Interrupted...

But I know what it's like to want to die
How it hurts to smile
and you try to fit in, but you can't

and how you hurt yourself on the outside to kill the thing on the inside. Reply

When you don't want to feel
Death can seem like a dream
But, really seeing it

makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous. Reply

Crazy isn't being broken
or swallowing a dark secret
it's you or me amplified.
If you ever told a lie, and enjoyed it

or if you ever wished you could be a child forever. Reply

Have you ever confused life with a dream?
Or stolen something when you had the cash?
Have you ever been blue?
Or thought your train moving when sitting still?
Maybe i was crazy.
maybe it was the 60's.
Or maybe, i was just
a Girl Interrupted.

Mind your apostrophes, dear. I had to resuscitate the page again. —Ari Reply

Of course it's not fair
since when has it ever been?
and don't sit around waiting for everything to fit into place
for everything to work out the way it should
because it wont.
because it's
Not
Fair.
and it hurts
like a fresh cut
That bleeds so much you cant tell how deep it is.

06/13/03

you were searching for my tears
so you could say you were there
so you could say you cared
you saw me cry
like so many others
and the secrets i've told you
were the ones that cry within my heart
and you took them away from me
because of the things i felt for you
and i thought you would help them stop crying
but they wep even stronger now

along with the tears i swore would never leave my eyes for you. Reply

To be alive and dead at the same time
to feel nothing in a dream
and then to awake and bleed just to know you can feel
to know you are real
I dream of being ugly
I dream of being beautiful
and yet i return home
only to find the same girl staring back at me
only to find the same calling
and i'm to weak to turn it down
i can't let go of her
or of you
i can't seem to say good bye
and the pain still lingers
of when i feel when i look down and see who i am
how i hold myself
how i wink at myself
how i'm not the scary kind of girl anymore
i'm not scary on the outside
but on the inside i'm dieing

and i don't know how to stay alive. Reply

Writing about the things I saw
The things i never wondered
When i was a child
I never knew
never knew
that one could do this to one another
But i'm just writing about it
not in it
not in it
Letting the world know what pain really is.

A warm breaze finds it's was inside this daft hotel room
Through the broken window
Let me dream of home
As i tryed to shut the window that didn't seem to budge
I looked out
to see A hole
a tunnle i could look down into
leading to a thing we call
a tank
sudnenly before i could think
it came
faster then i ever thought it could go

And I Flashed
my mother
my birthday cake
my first dog mike
my first kiss
Kaite
the birth of my son Josh
his first steps
my new job
this trip

Now.

cold tears
rest in my eyes
to light to fall
your words give them a push
watch them roll
down down down
warm fingers brush them aside
a smile of hope
warmth from your eyes
send me your strenth
powering through your finger tips
my eyes sink closed

and fall through my mind. Reply

I'm going to start
because i'm not sure where to stop
I'm not sure i understand
if you understand.
your unspoken words take me over
the simple touch of your finger tip
sliding across my neck
fills me with thoughts
memorys
the past
I close my eyes
to see a slideshow in my mind
from above and below
my hearts beats faster
as if it was to be set free
let it out of this cage
this hell

this heaven. Reply

When you ask me
What are those marks on your arm?
Do you have any idea
Any clue
How much you just shatterd me?
Any idea how much
Pain
Anger
Saddness
Shame
Gilt
I feel inside?
And how fast I must scrap up the words together
To tell you what i do to myself
That very moment
Weather I want to or not
I have no choice anymore.
And then
You give me that look
The look of shame as you look down upon me
The feeling comes over me
As if I were being atacked
By you're one person army.
And just that one question
Can make me feel so
Worthless.

stuck in my mind
a memory of you
a photo in my mind
a slide show
a recording of your voice
the things you've said
stuck in my head
a silhoette of light and dark
hot and cold
love and hate
i can't make up my mind
not without you
not without me
alone
lost in words
along with dreams
hopes
thoughts
thrown in a blender
hit the button
nothings left but a cup of wonders
a cup of me.

Take a sip. Reply

just a ramble. not a poem. i dont think....03/22/03 Reply

I'm tired of feeling this.
i can't find the words how i feel anymore.
Oh
wait...heres one.

Stupid

i'm just a dieing poet.
the words have left my mind and i cant seem to find them again.
not a trace.
so i turn the page of my mind and find a blank sheet of paper.
white.
clean.
untouched.
waiting for my thoughts to be put out in a new way.
how are you feeling?
i know just how i feel.
i know just how i can think.
but i chose to stay clueless.
i don't seem to get it.
i dont try hard.
snap snap snap
 goes the rubberband.
this way i don't leave a mark.
i don't have to wait for my way out to heal.
you can't blame me.

turn pink

turn pink Reply

Ca Ro Ly N (v1.45)

You have no power over me

-

Don't point your fuck'n finger at crazy people!!!

Writings/Poetry:

Stupid