Creating Community (v1.20)

I haven't seen this page in a while (I supect it dropped into obscurity like most things eventually do), but looking at it now I find that I disagree with some of the statements at the top of the page. Reply

Creating community is hard. I suppose it depends on what you define as community, doesn't it? I think community, in one sense, is a natural state of existence for human beings, and given the opportunity, we tend to gravitate towards other people. in that sense, finding and/or creating community is incredibly easy. Give it a chance to grow, and it will. Reply

On the other hand, trying to control a community is hard. Setiing up rules and expecting them to be followed is hard (or rather futile). Saying, This is our community, and no one will ever fight or complain or have problems is hard, because it's impossible. And yet when I look at intentional communities, I see that a lot. Not a longing for just community, but for a utopian community, with perfect people — and so they set up rules which reflect that, and we, being human, break those rules. Which were, presumably, unreasonable to begin with. Reply

Creating community takes hard work to keep going. Again, this seems to me a question of utopia (which literally means no place) being valued and desired over what is. Human beings naturally seek connection, community, if you will, and we unfailingly find it. I'm not talking about a much desired, five-minute-away group of peers who all share your ideals and dreams. I'm talking about mothers, fathers, siblings, schoolmates, your piano teacher, the kids you babysit and their parents down the street, the boy who you talk with at the shoestore. I'm talking about all the people in all our lives who are there, consistently or not, who talk to us and support us. They aren't utopia, they aren't even always a tribe, but they're the beginnings of community. And they aren't hard to find, or sustain. They're simply there. Reply

This isn't an organized rant. . . more like a collection of thoughts, at best. But I liked this page when it was still around, and I think it would be interesting to see it revived. So. Lets see if this stone makes ripples in the water. Reply

—Amy Reply

I've been thinking a lot about community. It's a very very important part of my life. Being in communities, creating them, keeping them working. I wrote about it in my zine. But I firmly believe that the potential to create a feeling of community, even if only temorary, is everywhere. I was in a play at the local highschool last spring and we had the most incredible group dynamic and then it was over and the whole thing was over but while it lasted it was wonderful. I think to create or be an integral part of community you really have to extend yourself. The work can't be left up to someone else. To quote SARK: extend surprising invitations We all need to do that more. Ask startling questions. Don't slowly get to know everyone, jump right in. Push yourself as far as you can go and give as much as you can. Community will hold you up. Reply

This rant without a real point was brought to you by Franny Reply

The other day though, at the end of a meeting of classmates, I commented that I kept hearing people, particularily those of us whom have recently moved far from other home communitites, about a lack of safety-net. And I asked the group what it would take for each of us, to be safety-nets for one another? Reply

The question was met with some nodding heads. However the woman who was leading the meeting suggested that although we should think about the question, it is probably unrealistic. The reason she gave was that we all have time restraints. Reply

Why do we let a lack of time get in the way of community? I wasn't wanting to talk about going out for pizza once a week, or anything like that. I was talking about forming the kind of community where we could call each other when we are in need. Where when someone is sick the other's know what they can do to try to comfort that person. Where we know one another enough to know what we can do to make the other person feel at home. I wanted to very consciously, very carefully, work towards creating a conscious community. Reply

Can community like that be created? Doesn't it grow out of years of being together. If it does grow out of years of being together, then most of us are doomed to live without it. We're students. We live in one place for three or four years and move on. If having time restraints is also a big block to community, then we're doomed there too, because there's probably never going to be a time when we don't have time restraints. Reply

So is community doomed? Can we really not become one-another's safety nets? our comforters? Reply

The book I'm reading right now, Changing Our Minds, by Celia Kitzinger and Rachel Perkins, criticizes our modern communities for not being able to support one another in times of trial. We take our problems to our psychologists, not our friends. We are unwilling to provide the real and basic help to one another when we need it. We limit our friendships too much. They are supposed to fit into our spare time. (Like anyone has spare time!) Reply

This ties in with what I said on the WhereISEverybody page. We put value only on our sexual relationships, and little on our friendships. Reply

I won't give up. I will try somehow to work with the people here at my school, to nudge them towards a deeper sense of community and friendship and to appreciate what they give. Reply

—Christy Reply

A while ago, a friend was having a really terrible time. I offered to let them come stay here and get back on their feet, to be that safety net. I felt like I was walking out on a limb. Why does it seem that way? Is self-sufficiency that pervasive a meme in our society? —Ari Reply

LoveActivisim as an inner-foundation to the home-creation of community —Jonathan Reply

The problem I find with creating community is that I want two things: to be surrounded by friends, and to be self-sufficiant and free. I'm not sure how I can have my cake and eat it to. For one thing, I feel too young to take on the responsibility of gathering so many people. I have enough of a time being responsible and taking care of myself! But I do believe there will be a time when I start a community, but it's not now, and it doesn't have to be. Maybe I can be a part of a community just by living near friends, meeting new people and expanding my horizons, while keeping everyone close to my heart. That definitely feels much more attainable to me than a CobCastle or a city on the sea. -Eireann Reply

This is a rant by Marina on community and organization, because she has been thinking too hard about Quo Vadis today. Reply

When I use organization, I want it to be as efficient as possible. Whether it's four people washing dishes or getting 40 people in the same place for a week, I want any organization that's there to be very specific. I want to have a goal, and I want to get there as fast and well as possible. Most of the time that means as few people as possible involved, to make the lines of communication as clean as possible, so you don't have to check with twenty people before you spend ten bucks. Reply

Oddly enough, I don't want my community to have any organization. I want the community I surround myself with to be individual people. I want the people who want thing A to go one way and the people who want thing B to go another way, and not have to worry about Being A Community even when we're not because we disagree! I am strongly, strongly against anyone, even and especially myself and loved ones, organizing my personal life and relationships. My community is who I hang out with and who I love and who I agree with and who I work with, not who I choose to sit in meetings. I want to have room in my community to disagree with people about anything I choose. I don't want an intentional community; all my relationships are intentional. I don't want anyone (again, even and especially myself and my loved ones) to say I can't have this relationship because it doesn't fit into my community. Reply

Putting a consensus model of decision-making on a community is trying to label and complicate something that should be there already. In any good community, whether it's two people trying to decide what to have for dinner or one hundred deciding whether to hold a gathering, either everyone agrees or some people go off and do something else. Reply

When people try to make an organization work like a community, it really bugs me. If you want community, get yourself a real one, not something that's trying to do the work of an organization with the inefficient emotional mechanisms of a community. Reply

I think I'm done now... —Marina Reply